I saw this writing prompt for Kate's Five Minute Friday in my blog reader and the words poured out of me:
I hate you.
I hate that you come and go and never really end...... that you are something to get through and not over.
I hate how you pop up out of no where and make me feel like I'm losing my mind.
I hate how others in my life tell me to get over you when they have no idea the depth of pain or the many parts they themselves play in my grief.
I hate how I feel alone when I finally succumb to the crying that cleanses my eyes, leaves my chest heaving and me curled up on the corner of my sofa in a heap of exhaustion.
I hate how you make me doubt myself and question so many things - over and over and over again.
I hate that when I get to experience another loss (and I will because loss in one form or another is a major part of life) that I get to relive so many other losses.
Sometimes I am thankful for you.... because you remind me of what meant so much to me.
But I still hate you because I still lose.
I lose loved ones.
I lose friendships.
I lose love itself.
I lose family.
I lose traditions.
I lose trust.
I even lose hope and faith sometimes, too.
I feel lost and alone and like no one cares let alone understands.
Grief, I know you are an important part of life.
You are supposed to be a means to .... what? an end? an end of hurt and pain and tears?
I don't think so.
I think you are literally just what "is" and what must come after a loss.
I believe dear Grief, that you are a means to cleansing the great ball of pain that bounces around inside of me.
I believe you just might be a tool that helps my insides begin a rebirth of new life and increased faith in the only true Trust I have in this entire world.
That Trust is God.
Now if I could only remember that while I sit in puddles surrounded by wadded up tissue.
Perhaps an idea for my next tattoo.
Post first written and seen on http://www.dawninginspiration.com by Stacey Dawn on 12/29/2014.
Comments are off.