Saturday, March 21, 2015
A realization hit me and I had to grab my computer and fill up this page.
I've allowed myself to be fenced in by the expectations, fears, ideas, thoughts and opinions of others.... especially those closest to me in life.
A light bulb finally clicked on and I realized how paralyzing it has been to live this way!
I haven't been able to figure out where meaningful people "end" and I "begin."
Until now. (Insert smiley face!!)
Life is hard; I don't think it's meant to be easy.
However, I think life is beautiful. The messy ups and downs, the painful tears that lead to happy, water leaking eyes....
I've been waffling - for years (as I'm sure you can tell), by the amount (or lack thereof) of blogging.
I've had people tell me how much they enjoy/miss my writing. (Thank you.)
I've had others tell me to not be so personal and to fear the "world wide web."
I've also had others ask me to share more.
All the "should's" make my head spin, my heart clench and my body go numb.
It's truly hard to not let all the outside rhetoric seep into your own head and heart.... especially when these people matter to you.
However, there comes a time when you just have to say "ENOUGH!"
And, guess what? I'm there.
I've decided that the ONLY thing that matters in this life is for me to feel the love and peace of Christ Jesus inside my soul and to know that I'm doing His will.
Am I perfect at it? Nope!
I feel like I'm the most imperfect person that ever walked the face of this planet.
Peace flooded me this morning after talking with God, praying The Lord's Prayer, reading the first few verses of the Gospel of John and sipping on a warm cup of yum.
The peace came despite the clutter chaos I sit among, being ill, receiving more food restrictions, family members that have cut me from their life, my gut that wants to toss cookies and the sleep I can't find with the two hands God gave me. The anxiety of it all can be overwhelming.
My circumstances have not changed since I felt this peace.
I've began to allow the gate in my fence to open.
The unlocking came by asking God what He would like me to do today.
These ideas came rolling out:
This is your one life.
No one lives it but..... YOU.
You are the only one that lived through your experiences and truly knows the impact of what they have had and continue to have on your life.
You are the only one that can change your life. (And, I am!!)
I realize these are not new sentiments.
They have been echoes bouncing from corner to corner in my mind every time I allow someone outside my life to have a say in what I do, how I feel, what thoughts I should think, how I should act, etc.
I've given credence to people who, in name, have a lot to do with me. The reality is they don't. I've let the situation control and manipulate me for many, many years. Again, I say "ENOUGH."
It's been hard to stand up for myself and to take myself out of all that "crazy."
But, with God's help, I'm doing it.
I refuse to participate in trying to make people understand parts of me that are really none of their business...parts of me that they truly don't care to know because it may negatively impact their own lives.
My personal business is between me and God. Period.
Now, THAT is a freeing statement to write.
It's even more freeing to LIVE.
I know this is a long post (and without an image - gasp!). I hope it encourages someone out there that is receiving pressure from outside sources to shut their eyes and ears to everyone but God.
I hope they seek the face of Christ and ask Him what He'd like for them to do. And, then I pray that you will take a step out in faith and do.
Will people in your life be happy with you? Probably not.
There's people in my life not happy with me. I don't enjoy that, but it is what it is.
I'm at peace because I'm leaning on God, His Word, His promises and it is my Faith and Trust in Him that He will work ALL things to good for those (me) that love Him. (see Philippians 4:13)
And, I do.... love Him.... my Jesus, my Lord, My Christ.
Blessings to you all today.... and always.
I'll catch you on the other side of a Click!