Many years ago a dear friend from church slipped this quote into my hand. She had handwritten it on a three by five card that lies on the desk in front of me today.
I can't tell you how many times I have read and reread this quote. Nor can I state the number of times I have moved it from mirror to bulletin board to refrigerator to desk and back again!
I have struggled for years to understand it's meaning. For some reason I just couldn't apply it to my life. (The "things that make you go Hmmm....")
One day the precious script sifted through my mind down into my heart and I realized it's meaning... for me:
- Feel the fear and do it anyway (Book title by Susan Jeffers - I have not read the book nor am I endorsing it)
- Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding... (Proverbs 3:5)
- Fear not for Jesus is with me always (Isaiah 41:10)
These last few years of my life have been far less than what I hoped and even expected.
I've been filled with shame, ridicule, humiliation, loss and regret and pain in my mind, body, heart and spirit that had been unimaginable.
Through it all I have learned much. I have grown. I've made progress towards healing in areas of my life I never thought possible.
If you've read my blog over the years you know my writing has changed quite a bit and that I've started and stopped many times for varying lengths of time.
I believe God has been calling me to be real - REALLY REAL - because in Him I have nothing to be ashamed of.
I'm a sinner, saved by the grace of Jesus Christ. I am a Christian, a follower of Jesus Christ and I still sin (unfortunately). I sin because I'm human. I'm also forgiven because I've asked Christ to forgive me and I believe He has.
I'm sick with chronic illnesses that I cannot control nor be healed from (unless God performs a miracle).
This post is to come forward as an advocate for Sexual Abuse Survivors (yes, I am one), for Warriors learning to live with Chronic Illnesses (both mental and physical (yes, I am a Warrior, too). I want to share what I learn, encourage those that are struggling and keep chronicling the ups and downs on the roller coaster of life.
I am learning to place my trust in God in ALL things and to turn to Him in every single life situation - just like I would talk with an earthly best friend.
I'd love prayers for me in my endeavors as I continue on in the calling I believe has been placed on my life. The enemy continues to fight me and I continue to battle with the armor of Christ.
I also plan to intermingle images, photography and other thoughts like I used to.
Please feel free to let me know if the quote above speaks to you.
And, if you have thoughts or questions about my forthcoming Advocacy, I'd love for you to drop me a note.
Blessings to you and may your day be filled with much hope, great love and astounding beauty....