Inspired by Back Pain



Back pain.  Ouch!  It is SO not fun!  But then, what pain is?

Three days ago I put my lower back out DUSTING.  Yes, you read that correctly.

I was simply moving a microfiber duster around on the coffee table when "Yowza! What was that?!" and  I sank to the sofa where I could carefully slide to the floor.

I eventually got my arms to pull me to a crawling position where I tugged myself down the hall, into my room and up onto my bed.  Who knew dusting could inflict such agony?

Truth be told, I think I kind of stumbled while reaching with the duster so I can't totally blame it on the dusting.  But, oh! How I would like to!!  (I rather like the phrase:  Beware of cleaning house.  It can maim!)

Anyhow...

That night, was a sleepless one.

I laid in my bed at 2am trying to stretch my entire left side.... very, very carefully.  The pain was intense.  I literally could not move.  However, as I began to gingerly stretch into the pain I noticed the pain level drop a degree or two.  About an hour and a half later I was able to get out of bed and shuffle to the kitchen for some water (with the aide of a walker).  ((Thank you God for creating those!))

This "pushing through the pain" became a metaphor for me as I made it back to my bed and eased myself back on to soft pillows and an ice pack.

I have been pushing through pain for years.  Some of it has been physical.  Most of it though, has been mental and emotional distress.

Healing from personal wounds is not for the faint of heart.  It takes work. In fact, it takes years and years of knock down drag out tough as nails hard work. It takes perseverance even when everything in you wants to give up, crawl in bed and pull the covers over your head. Forever.

It takes courage to trust another human with the intimate details that wove the fibers of your being into the existence of who you are today.

It takes guts of steel to meet the eyes of another when your own are brimming with tears of shame for what has been done to you, what you did to survive and how absolutely horrible you feel about yourself for all that has occurred.

Pain.  We all have it in some form or other.  In fact, I believe we all live with a variety of painful ailments on a daily basis.

Sometimes the pain is visible (like when someone has a limp or is using crutches or is in a wheel chair.)  Other times it is not so easily recognized.  Perhaps it's hidden behind blank, staring eyes.  Maybe it's in the burst of angry words that seem to come from nowhere.  It could even be in the depressed state of a bedridden individual who can't quite catch their breath when they consider getting out of bed.

 Pain needs no competitor.  It is what it is. We all wear our pain individually and in unique ways.

Simply put... pain hurts.  It hurts BAD.  It cuts DEEP.  It's wounds lie open and RAW.  It can be blinding and paralyzing and at the same time screaming for attention that you just aren't able to give it.

There are ways to overcome pain.  There are healthy ways and unhealthy ways.  I will write about the healthy ways:

-  Some pain can be eased with doctor prescribed medications.
-  Other pain needs to be carefully unwrapped with gentle communication, patience and time in a safe environment with a trusted soul.
-  Compassion is needed for all types of pain because no one can ever be aware of how deep your own personal pain is or how much it impairs your life.

And, please know, there is no set amount of time for healing.  It's all in God's time.  I truly believe God uses our pain to further His purpose and His plans for our lives.  I don't think He causes our pain.  I think He sometimes allows it to mold us and shape us into the people He wants us to be.

I was able to put God at the center of my pain a couple of years ago.  He made a remarkable difference in that I no longer felt alone or trapped in an isolating prison.

The pain didn't disappear.  It's still here in varying cycles.  But it's more manageable sometimes.

I've realized that God may be using my pain to help others.  And, if that is true....then it is all worth it.

After I rediscovered God I found the the courage to continue on in my journey of healing.  I found a deep faith in my Creator.  I sought after His unconditional love and reveled in His mercy, His compassion and His grace.  I found redemption for my sordid past.

I'm still working on my healing.  I'm still working on discovering a true peace about who I am and what I've been through.  I suspect a lot of this will be with me the rest of my life.  After all, the pain became wounds at an early age and continued on until a couple of years ago when the last abuser left my life.

These invisible wounds are a part of my soul.  They are a part of what makes me who I am - the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful and the creative.

I have witnessed several people go through painful periods in their lives that seemed to take a lot longer to heal than originally anticipated.

Those long, drawn out and painful times are not a waste. I firmly believe God uses this time to teach, to bless, to guide, to mold and to draw us closer to Him.  I believe He uses our pain to show others what faith in Him can be like.

Life is not easy for any of us, especially in the world we call today.  Clinging to God and His word is what gets me through the painful days.  Having heart to heart talks (sometimes out loud, sometimes with paper and pen) help me stay close to my Protector and my Savior.

Blessings abound when you are knee deep in pain.  Or, in my case, up to my mid back in pain.  It's hard to see sometimes, but trust that they are there.

My blessings lately have been wrapped up in my mother who lifted my legs onto my bed and prayed over me for healing. She's also brought me meals in bed while she herself suffers from her own physical pain.

Blessings from my dear doctor who did not force me to find a way into his office but rather called in a prescription for a nearby drug store that allowed someone else to pick it up for me.

Blessings of ice packs and heating pads.

Blessings of my pawbaby whose concern is so evident that he lies on my legs to offer the best comfort he can.

Pushing through the pain can bring such relief.

My advice is to go slowly.  There is no rush.  We all have our own journey to health.  Stop while you are behind because if you push too far the pain worsens and propels you backwards.  You only want to stretch into the pain a tiny bit. Just enough to see the light on the other side shining through - beckoning you to continue when you are ready - at your own pace and in your own time.

Blessings to you.  With all my heart.

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8 comments

  1. Stacey you are such a gifted writer. This is beautiful and relatable. Thank you for sharing!

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  2. Isn't it crazy what can throw a back out? I am heading to the hospital at noon today for an ultrasound on my shoulder. I have been dealing with a rotator cuff problem for 7 months. I haven't a clue what I did to it. Sigh...

    I hope your back gets feeling better soon Stacey - not fun!

    Wishing you a beautiful weekend!
    xo Catherine

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  3. Pain has no competitor...profound words Stacy.
    I'm so glad you have gotten some relief and are pushing through the pain with our God's help.
    Thank you for letting me back into your blog post. I have missed it and I find your style so encouraging.
    (((hugs)))
    Sue

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  4. We are all on the journey called life and savoring each day and always going forward is the way to go.
    Pain can be so debelitating but your attitude will definitely see you through.

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  5. the first time my back went out, was at age 25 when i bent to pick up a curler i dropped, OUCH and several days of heat lamps and muscle relaxers. since then, it has been out several times and it is no fun for sure.
    I LOVE the pic of Doogie, so adorable, so sweet.

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  6. I'm sorry for the pain. I also have a recurring back pain issue so I can relate!

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  7. Again your writing is peaceful , healing I can see that and so much truth to it. Some gets better and some comes back time and again to be deal with slow and easy and some is too painful. You write so much truth.
    Sending Hugs and Prayers across the miles.

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  8. Hi Stacey,you are such a creative and incredible writer.I love the way you explain this article and give me inspiration.I hearty pray to god that please gift you a pain free and happy life. Si joint exercises

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