A Drive By and a non humorous Joke

Well - evidently my last post was a joke ... or at least the title of it was.

I do not feel fearless anymore.

Soon after I wrote that last post a bunch of BAD happened.

My computer had to be wiped twice... because it just decided to stop working and I'm not sure if it's going to continue.  (I love most technological goodies - until they don't work like they are supposed to!)

I was diagnosed with another illness and told I may lose a doctor I've seen for years and is the only one that truly helps me.  (Scary times - trusting God.)

A friend stabbed me in the back after I took a risk and shared some personal information. (I want really bad to never risk again but I think the stabbing says more about the other person than it does about my risking.)

I was the recipient of another "wonderful" ride on the immediate family roller coaster. (For better or worse I wasn't alone - my Mom got to ride with me!!)

Financial issues hit the fan and flew right through it in teeny, tiny pieces that only God can put together.  (Thankfully God is Omnipotent!!)

Someone I love dearly cut me out of their life at the WORST possible time ever.  And it wasn't the first time. (Will I ever learn to listen to my heart?)

One of my doctors ordered me off of a medication with such severe withdrawals that they will most likely continue through January and beyond.  (Let me just say, "Yippee!!!! and It will feel so amazing when it's OVER!!"

So - if you've wondered where I disappeared to after proclaiming my fearlessness, the above should explain it.  I could list more, but I will spare you.

It's all good though - right?  Life isn't always about being fearless.  It's learning to trust God while feeling the fear, turmoil and pain.

I am having to struggle a bit more to find the good in the bad and the beauty among the ashes.  But, I AM finding it.

For example:

My little Levi. (Not the best picture....but he's still adorable!)

I'm so thankful for my new puppy.  He is truly a God given gift on four paws.  He makes me laugh.  He licks my tears.  He forces me to get up out of bed so he can go potty outside.  He cuddles and he's just so cute that he warms my seemingly lifeless heart.  (Eh... dramatic much? But not about my little Levi!)

I'm thankful for my Mom. She's the ULTIMATE!  She's suffering right here with me even though she has her own horrendous pain. We have fun together as we creak and groan and then joke about our physical pain.  She makes sure I have good food to eat. She loves my Levi. And, she gives me a big hug when tears pour out of my cracked heart and I feel the withdrawals of the medication eating away my person hood.  She's just "here" for me.  I can never thank her enough.

I'm thankful for my War Room....a place I go to meet with Jesus in a special way.  If you haven't read that book, I highly recommend it.  I can't wait to see the movie on DVD!  I'll try to write more about it later.... because it's really very good.

There's more things, people and blessings to be thankful for (my car mechanic, the customer service at a MAJOR online retail site, and my awesome neighbors.)  There is beauty (frozen fog, hummingbirds, blue sky, still budding pink roses and hot cocoa with mini marshmallows) as well.

Those three detailed above are at the top of my "Thank YOU God list," although not necessarily in that order.

I ask that you please forgive my very real "Drive By"post to explain my vanishing act yet again.  And, in case I don't get back to this blog before 2016, I wish you a very Merry Christmas and an incredibly Happy New Year.  I, myself, will be indulging in a LOT of pumpkin pie, watching Christmas movies by the hundreds while occupying my couch with Levi on my lap.


  1. so sorry your road has hit bumps once again, you do have the good, the bad and the ugly going on, but the good is your mom. glad you have her.. fingers crossed the road levels out before the end of the year.

  2. That cutie pie of a pup need a Levi Parka girl!!! Heeeheehe

    My heart breaks for you dear friend. The wound goes deep when we are betrayed. I'm in and out allot these days but talk to me. Email line is always open.

    Give Mom a big old Nezzy squeeze and tons of Ozark lovein' for me. I'm so thankful you have a great Mama to build a hedge of love around you. You are blessed precious one.

    Have a magnificent day!!! :o)

  3. Hugs to you my friend.Sometimes,no often,life throws us some punches that are hard to deal with,BUT,God is always faithful.I,of course,do not know all the stuff you have to deal with,but I do know that we have a God is more than able to keep us.I do pray that your Christmas will be good,filled with peace,love and lots of good food.

  4. I feel so bad that I've been a terrible blog friend and I'm not sure what's going on in your life right now, but I am lifting you up in prayer and will keep you there. Praying 2016 is full of love, laughter, and light - and no pain! If you aren't familiar with the blog Ripplespeak, I recommend reading it... http://ripplespeak.com/